Psalm 26

"Prove me, O Lord, and try me;

Test my heart and my mind. 

For your steadfast love is before my eyes, 

and I walk in your faithfulness."

-Psalm 26:2-3

Psalm 26 talks about a person who is doing everything right. He had the courage and confidence to ask the Lord to test and challenge him to discover where sin remained. He was able to ask the Lord for this test because he was confident in the Lord's love. 

We can focus our eyes on many things in life, but this man was choosing to put God's love before his eyes. He was choosing to walk in God's faithfulness. The picture here is active, not passive. 

If we want to see change and become more like Christ, we need to do two things based on this scripture. 

1) Keep God's love and faithfulness at the forefront on our mind. Feast on God's love. Step out in faithfulness. Follow God's Word. Do not allow anything else to distract us from following God.
2) Ask God, in his faithfulness, to expose areas that need change. Coming before God in full confidence of his love for us allows us to ask him to prove us, try our thoughts, and test our heart and mind. 

The first step is necessary in order to have the confidence to honestly and safely open our hearts and expose sin. 

Father God, today I pray that your love and faithfulness would overwhelm me and allow me to open my heart for you to change me. Test me and show me where I need to let your love penetrate more fully. Your gospel and your Spirit are the instruments of change in my life. Your power is made perfect in my weakness. Help me to trust you more and allow your power to change me. Amen.  

Fear of Man is Ruining My Life

Ways the Fear of Man is Ruining My Life:
Or, a tongue in cheek evaluation of where the Fear of Man affects my life. 

1) I eat too much of the wrong foods when I'm out. What will my friends think if I refuse to eat at their party? I don't want people to think I'm a snob, after all.

2) Getting dressed is a pain. I have to impress all the other mommies with babies in my life who would totally understand why I want to simplify my wardrobe, or why I have snot stains on my shirt from my 10 month old wiping his nose on me.

3) My feelings are hurt easily when I am not everyone's #1 friend. You mean someone can like and hang out with other people and it doesn't mean they hate me?!

4) As a mom of littles, I am crazy to not accept help when it's offered. Yet, thanks to the good ol' fear of man in my heart, I refuse help so that I look like super woman doing everything myself... and end up frazzled and burnt out in the end.

5) Most importantly, the Fear of Man keeps me from turning to Jesus faster and continually feasting on God's Word. Love God, love others. There is no room for "love myself and fear the opinion of others." I am feeding my the crumbs off other people's plates while sitting at the feasting table of God's love. God wants and has so much more for me.

Who is God?

How can you conjure up an image of God? There is no way our finite minds can comprehend the vastness and majesty of the God we worship. Go ahead, try.

Think big... God is bigger.
Think great... God is greater.
Think of the tiniest intricacy... God knows these intimate details.
Think of the greatest power on earth... God is more powerful.
Think of the most loving act or person... God loves more

God cares more.

He knows more.

He is more than we can fathom.

He is God.


....and you know what? That brings me comfort. If you or I could understand God, or if anyone on Earth could describe him and label him, that would make him a small god. Serving a small god would bring me to despair. It is only because my God is bigger and greater and loves more and knows more and cares for me more than I know that I have hope.

Signals, Pt 2

If Anxiety is a signal leading us to prayer, there are certain phrases which signal the focus of your anxiety. Recognizing what is causing anxiety helps direct your focus to Bible verses which will help to combat anxiety and turn your focus to the Lord.

"If only..." signals regret about the past.  Staying here, caught in the past, denies the redemptive nature of the gospel. God is the God of second chances. He delights in taking weakness and making it strong in Him. Yes, mistakes exist in your past, but they are not outside of God's perfect and redemptive plan to work good out in your life. In God's hands negative, terrible, awful circumstances you would never choose for yourself (like postpartum depression, anxiety, or tragedy), become beautiful gifts constantly directing us to greater dependence on our Lord.

"What if..." signals worry about the future. We like to sugar coat worry about the future as being proactive and planning ahead. Yes, sometimes there is a place for planning ahead. Sometimes it is even helpful to think through the what-ifs, but only if you are wrestling through the question of "Where is God when my what-ifs come true?" If what-ifs are constantly circulating through your head, question your motives. Could it be pride and arrogance showing in how you think that you can anticipate what's coming, that you are the only one that can care for yourself, and that you need to plan ahead?

I want control over things. I want to know that I can handle what is coming. But our good God doesn't promise me that. He promises that HE is good, and that he cares for me. I have to fight the what-ifs and the if-onlys running through my head and submit them, therefore, to the mighty hand of God. Why? Because He cares for me. (1 Pet 5:6-7)

The Humility of Obedience

"And being found in human form,
he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death,
even death on a cross."

Philippians 2:8

In the middle of Philippians 2:8 is a tiny little preposition, the word by. Why did Jesus humble himself by becoming obedient? Why not to become obedient? Or because he was obedient? The Holy Spirit inspired the word 'by' to instruct us. 'To become obedient' places obedience above humility, action above the state of the heart. Instead, the Lord seeks humility by becoming obedient. I believe that the word by unlocks a new understanding of both humility and obedience. 

We gain humility by becoming obedient. If I pray for and seek humility as an antidote to pride in my life, I must become obedient. If I seek to obey God's Word, humility will come out of that desire. 

Obedience is humility in action.  Disobedience places my Self as the highest authority. To obey is to put my desire second and do as I am commanded out of reverence. This is humility displayed through action. 

To seek humility, start by obeying. That one little word, by, gives instruction for gaining humility in life. As the Lord enables us to obey his Word, He will develop in us a spirit of humility. 

How can you put humility into action? What command in God's Word is the Lord asking you to obey?

Productive Anxiety

I don't think of anxiety as a disease. Physical, yes, but not a disease that happens to you. The Lord allowed anxiety in my life to show that He is the only one that has the power to control my little world. He allowed anxiety to drive me to my knees. Now I think of anxiety this way:

Instead of a disease that happens to you, anxiety is a signal for you to pray. 

What other signals do I listen to in life?
- when I feel the signal of hunger, I eat.
- when I am thirsty, I drink.
- my body signals when I need to use the bathroom.
- my phone signals when someone wants to talk to me.
- my car signals when it needs maintenance.

What if anxiety were the signal that we need to pray? 

Instead of waiting for anxiety to go away, we could embrace each moment as an opportunity to turn to the Lord and "cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." (1Pet 5:7) Anxiety that leads to prayer becomes productive instead of inefficient and draining. By thinking of anxiety as a signal, rather than a disease, I set myself up for success instead of feeling overwhelmed when the all too familiar symptoms appear.

How does thinking about anxiety as a signal change your perspective?

Quote of the Day

"Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear." 
- Corrie Ten Boom

Friendship

Friends. You have them, you love them, you take them for granted. They change through the years. Rare is the friend who remains over time. In learning to appreciate the instant connections which bring so much pleasure as well as the long term soul knowing friendships, I have identified five things about friendship that enrich our lives.

As a side note, have you noticed that the Church can do this well? The majority of my richest friendships are through my Church community. I love seeing the Church loving on each other!

1. Playmate

Typically the first phase of a friendship, playmates come into your life because you have a shared interest. You enjoy their company, and you start to form bonds based on your hobby, adventures together, or time spent doing an activity together. Perhaps you join a sport, and on the team you find someone who shares your interest in perfecting... Chinese brush painting, of all things. As C.S. Lewis said, “Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."” (Four Loves).

Sweet Potato Teething Biscuits

If you are looking for a way to use up baby cereal, or have a voracious eater on your hands and need more finger food for him, try these sweet potato teething biscuits. They're so yummy I would eat them myself! With some peanut butter spread on top? Sounds delicious.

Your child should be sitting independently and be comfortable with gnashing and chewing food before receiving these biscuits. I would recommend 9-12 months. Even so, keep a close watch - I can't guarantee pieces won't break off and pose a choking hazard!

Sweet Potato Teething Biscuits
1c Baby cereal (any variety. I used oatmeal with sweet potato flavoring)
1c whole wheat flour
1t baking powder
2 tsp cinnamon
2 tbsp coconut oil (or oil of your choice)
1c vegetable or fruit puree. I used a whole sweet potato and topped it off to make a full cup with some prune puree.
4-8 tbsp water, milk, or juice

Preheat oven to 425*

1. Mix first 4 ingredients together in a medium size bowl.
2. Add coconut oil and mix it with a fork until in pea size pieces.
3. Add vegetable puree and mix again until there are no large pieces of vegetable or pockets of flour.
4. Begin with 4 tablespoons of liquid and add until pulls together into a sticky dough.
5. Roll dough out and cut into shapes.
6. Bake for approx. 15min, or until lightly browned but not too crispy.

Enjoy!

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disclaimer: This recipe is my own, but I used the following two sources as references:
http://wholesomebabyfood.momtastic.com/teethingbiscuits.htm
http://boysahoy.com/homemade-teething-biscuits-3/

Mexican Tuna Salad

Hi friends! When babies nap, mommies turn into superwoman trying to accomplish as many things as they can during those precious minutes. You know, super things like showering...and eating real food...and sitting down without another little person touching them. Big Important Things.

While Little A napped this morning, I had enough time for a shower AND lunch. Big deal! Even so, I wanted something quick and easy.  I stumbled upon a super quick and easy sandwich idea: Mexican Tuna Salad. Only 3 ingredients! I served it open face on two pieces of Ezekiel bread, but you could serve it as a traditional sandwich, or on a bed of lettuce.

Mexican Tuna Salad
1 can tuna
2 Tablespoons salsa
1 Tablespoon plain yogurt
salt & pepper to taste

That's it! Pop the ingredients in a bowl, mix it up and top your sandwich with this delicious, protein packed, low fat tuna salad. Open face on toasted bread with a handful of lettuce or spinach on top is a great way to keep the carbs low and add some greens.

Becoming Mom

I wrote this several months ago. It's become a point of reference to see where I was and where I am now. I'll write more about my journey through postpartum depression and anxiety - where I am today and what the journey has meant to me.

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Friends, can I just say it? Mothering is hard. In an instant (well, after several hours of intense labor…), everything changes. I’ve known myself for 26 years. All of a sudden, I have a new identity – Mom. Who is this person called mom? She’s someone unfamiliar to me. She doesn’t feel like me. She even has a different body than the one I knew! I can feel her potential, who she might become, but it’s awfully scary looking at who she is right now and fitting together the pieces of who I knew as myself and my new identity as mom.

My son is two and a half months old. I’ve already forgotten how many weeks that is. I used to know exactly. Now I just say two and a half months. Days run into weeks which run into months, and suddenly I look back at the pictures from his birth and realize he’s grown. I have a feeling this is how I’m going to look back on his childhood in twenty years, and wonder what happened to the little boy in my arms today.

I wasn’t prepared for becoming Mom. How can you? I knew I wouldn’t sleep. I knew he would cry. I knew my marriage would change. I didn’t know that it would feel like my life was shattered into a million pieces which I am only just now beginning to put back together.

Names of God - Dwelling Place

You, Lord, are my dwelling place. My spirit needs a place to dwell. Just as I physically need a place to rest, recuperate, and call home, so does my soul. So where is home for my soul? Is it among the flashy, neon lights of my desires? If home for my soul is on the Vegas strip of my desire, I will end up bankrupt and discouraged. Forgive me, oh Lord, for allowing the brazen, shallow desires of my idol-generating heart to drag me away from my security in You.

No, You are my dwelling place. I can settle in and call you home. Sink my roots deep because I intend to stay a while and make my forever home in the rich, rewarding, quiet power of Your presence. I want to raise my children in Your presence. I want to know satisfaction in Your presence. I want the most comfortable place my soul knows to be home in You. Your Spirit resides in me, help me to abide in You. Amen. 

Names of God - My Refuge

I am learning to take the Bible at face value and really believe it to be true in a literal sense. I plan to start a new series of prayers focusing on the Names of God and what they mean in practical sense while praising God for his attributes.
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Refuge
You are my refuge, Lord. That means when I'm tired of fighting this battle and need a break, you are there. No, really! You are a practical refuge. When I am tired, You will give me rest. This is not just figurative, but very real and true. As my body needs physical sleep so my soul needs your rest. If Scripture says "You are my refuge," then when I am overwhelmed and need rest, I can turn to You and I will have a reprieve. My situation may not change, but my heart will be renewed and refreshed. Help me today to believe your words: You are my refuge and trust that I will find rest in your Word. Amen. 

Anxiety

In December, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety. It was a relief. For the past five months I had crammed my head into a hole and alternately yelled at and ignored God. Now, months of seeking and really asking questions about my faith, combined with the gentle movement of the Holy Spirit in my heart, bring me to where I am thankful. The Lord gave me postpartum depression and anxiety to show me my need for him and to draw me closer to him. Seeing my anxiety this way pushes me closer to God instead of leaning away from Him.

I would like to help others with postpartum depression and anxiety. I know it's hard. I've been there. But if you are in the midst of the struggle, know that there is hope.

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." - 1 Peter 5:10

He WILL restore you. Things will get better. He will confirm what you believe. He will strengthen your faith. And oh, glorious thought! He will establish you in a place where you can shout his name from the rooftops of your toddler-filled world. You will bring joy to others through this struggle. That is my prayer for you, and I know it will come true because God Himself has promised to do it.

Eat to Live

You need food to survive. I won't disagree there. But do you need as much food as you eat? If you're like me, the answer is no. The old adage "Eat to live, don't live to eat" is running through my head this morning.

My body is 6 months postpartum. Half of my baby weight melted off right away. I felt pretty good about myself as I slipped into my pre-pregnancy clothes without any effort. Now, 6 months later, those clothes are starting to feel tight. You read that right, I'm gaining weight, not losing it! I'm frustrated with myself.

In the past, I've lost weight by berating myself and emotionally depriving myself. Training for a half marathon was another way to lose weight. Today, I don't want to subject myself to the internal abuse I gave myself when losing weight before, and practically I don't think a half marathon training regimen would fit in my life right now.

So what's a girl to do? I don't want to live with the extra weight. I don't feel healthy. I don't want to use the old methods for losing weight. I want a healthy relationship with food.  

First, let's define food:

Food: (n.) something that nourishes, sustains, or supplies nutritional value

In John 4, Jesus says "My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work." (John 4:34) The lesson I can learn and apply from this verse is that there is more to life than physical food. Don't live to eat. Some days I look to food to give the immediate moment purpose and meaning. This brings me to the first step to having a healthy relationship with food.

Eat to Live. Ask myself, before snacking, what does eating this do for me? What am I looking to food to fulfill right now? If the answer is genuine hunger, go ahead and eat. However, if the answer is something else, I need to keep asking questions.

Don't live to eat. If I am just looking for meaning and purpose, food is not the right place to find it. Do I need to distract myself? Do something physical, like some jumping jacks? Sit down and give myself some time emotionally, with my coloring book, a cup of tea and some candles, or whatever else I enjoy? By asking myself what I want the food to do for me, I raise emotional awareness and clarity about my motives. I can then feed the need without feeding my body extra calories.

Will you join me in asking before snacking: 
- Am I eating to live, or living to eat? 
- What do I want this food to do for me right now? 
- What is an alternate way to meet this need?

Perfection

Perfection: (noun)

1. the state or quality of being or becoming perfect.

2. the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence, as in some art.

3. a perfect embodiment or example of something.

4. a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree of excellence.

5 .the highest or most nearly perfect degree of a quality or trait.

6. the act or fact of perfecting.

What feeling does this definition elicit? For me, irony and discomfort.

Discomfort because I want perfection. I think of myself as able to acquire perfection. I want to be able to do everything I put my hand to well. Do you know what that makes me? A perfectionist. 

And you know what is ironic? I want such a perfect life that I'm missing out on my real life as a result. 

Here's an example. I want to start a blog. First, I start four; testing out different names and feeling bad because I can't make them as pretty (read: perfect) as I would like. I post nothing on each, discarding them all. If I accept that they won't be perfect and simply start writing, I could put my thoughts out there and worry about how they look later. At least I would be experiencing life and moving toward my goal as a result. 

On a deeper level, perfectionism shows my pride. I want people to think well of me. My blog, if I can start it, is a portrayal of who I am. Therefore it must be perfect because I am perfect (ha!). 

I'm learning some humility. I'm starting my blog. It can look pretty second, as I start from scratch and learn things as I go. Think of it as my humble pill. 

What do you want to be perfect and miss out on as a result?